Have you seen the BBC programme, Honey we're killing the kids?
Oh, my! If you haven't seen the programme, let me explain. An expert reduces you to tears as they analyse all the data about your family lifestyle and nutrition, then show you what your kids will look like at forty. Then, by changing your lifestyle and nutrition, they show you another forward projection. And I have to say, it's impressive. The little boy on the most recent programme was a spoiled brat, and would apparently have turned into a thickset thug. After the transformation, his picture changed to a very handsome, youthful-looking 40 year old. His mother was kind and well-meaning - it wasn't that she was an uncaring mum at all!
I wouldn't have the courage to stand there on prime-time national TV being shown how badly I was bringing up my kids!
But I've just looked at the website, where it was a bit horrifying to realise that my kids fell into the unhealthy category of those who never ate green leafy vegetables, seldom went near citrus fruit, never ate raw tomatoes and (with the exception of the little one) didn't eat eggs either. And I'm overweight. And so is SuperSpouse. It's grim.
I'm officially a bad mum, then. As I said, Oh my!
You know, I'm more concerned about being shouted at, contradicted, whinged and moaned at. Mind you, all is calm at the moment. Right now, they think I'm a Good Mum because I baked them biscuits. BISCUITS!!! The devil's own food, if that programme is anything to go by. Have another biscuit, boys - it's broccoli tomorrow.